“What do you mean you don’t know my name?”
She rolled off the bed away from him. She felt a bit woozy and could feel the beginnings of a headache. The man (or really just a boy she thought to herself) just lay there propped on one arm watching her.
“So you’ve forgotten my name already, is that what you’re telling me?” she said
“No, I’m afraid you never introduced yourself last night”
"Of course I did! You just weren’t paying attention.” (Is that true? Did I drag this boy back here without introductions?).
“You had had quite a lot to drink.”
“And you hadn’t?”
“Well no. I was driving so I was only on soft drinks”
“What were you doing in that pub then?”
“I’d just popped in for directions”
“You’ve got to be kidding me”
“No really. I’d just bought myself a little camper van and was trying to get out to Hampstead Heath to spend the night, and had lost my way. I went into the pub to ask directions. While I was there I bought myself a ginger beer and was sitting at the bar minding my own business and quietly drinking it when you flounced over.”
“Flounced! I’ve never flounced in my life!”
“Well whatever you want to call it, you rushed up to the bar and plonked yourself on the bar stool next to mine”
The manboy, seeming to sense her unease, pauses in his narrative and stares at the ceiling again.
“Perhaps I was a bit drunk. I’m usually very careful when I’m out with people from the office. There was this guy John West who has been trying to get me into bed. I was just wondering if he spiked my drink.”
“So you’ve forgotten my name already, is that what you’re telling me?” she said
“No, I’m afraid you never introduced yourself last night”
"Of course I did! You just weren’t paying attention.” (Is that true? Did I drag this boy back here without introductions?).
“You had had quite a lot to drink.”
“And you hadn’t?”
“Well no. I was driving so I was only on soft drinks”
“What were you doing in that pub then?”
“I’d just popped in for directions”
“You’ve got to be kidding me”
“No really. I’d just bought myself a little camper van and was trying to get out to Hampstead Heath to spend the night, and had lost my way. I went into the pub to ask directions. While I was there I bought myself a ginger beer and was sitting at the bar minding my own business and quietly drinking it when you flounced over.”
“Flounced! I’ve never flounced in my life!”
“Well whatever you want to call it, you rushed up to the bar and plonked yourself on the bar stool next to mine”
The manboy, seeming to sense her unease, pauses in his narrative and stares at the ceiling again.
“Perhaps I was a bit drunk. I’m usually very careful when I’m out with people from the office. There was this guy John West who has been trying to get me into bed. I was just wondering if he spiked my drink.”
She lay down beside him apparently unaware of the irony of the fact that she was now in bed with a strange man, and stared at the ceiling with him. He turned his head towards her.
“I thought he looked a bit fishy” he said, trying to break the tension of the last few moments.
“ha ha” she said with a voice loaded with irony “I was afraid you didn’t do jokes – and I think I was right”
“I imagine that with a name like that he’s heard it plenty of times before” he leaned up on his elbow and looked down on her. “How are you feeling now?”
“No better than I deserve to” she said. “I’m sorry I got grumpy with you. Some of last night is coming back to me now. I probably did flounce”. She smiled a wry smile.
“Whatever.” he said “Do you want me to fill in any other bits?”
“Oh OK then, but I reserve the right to shut you up if I don’t like the way it’s going”
“Of course. That sounds very fair”. He looked away.
“Are you taking the piss?
“Me?”
“Yes you” she said and pushed him onto his back.
He lay down with his head close to hers and they both stared up at the ceiling.
“Well, as I said, you flounced up to me at the bar” she aimed a dig at his ribs with her elbow “Ow. I turned to look at you. You caught me looking and asked me somewhat aggressively if I found anything interesting. I remember that, because I wanted to say that I found you very interesting, but felt that perhaps it wouldn’t have gone down particularly well under the circumstances.”
“It would have been a bit corny”she said “but.....” she let the words trail off.
“Anyway, the barman intervened and said that I had come in looking for directions to Hampstead Heath. He was from Albania or somewhere and didn’t know London very well. You said that if I got you out of the pub you’d show me the way, and that in a nutshell was what happened”.
He paused and she continued to look at the ceiling. Her sick feeling had subsided somewhat but she still had a headache.
“That doesn’t quite explain how I managed to get to my flat if I was directing you to Hampstead Heath.”
“OK then. Firstly it turned out that you had no idea how to get to Hampstead Heath...“
“I didn’t think I did” she interjected
“...and that you just wanted an excuse to get out of the pub. Then you said that I could drive you home and we could look it up on the map. You told me to head for signs to The Angel and then promptly passed out. I had to wake you a few time before we got here.”
It was beginning to come back to her now. She couldn’t remember the journey at all, but she did remember arriving outside her door and him helping her up the steps to her flat.
“OK that explains how you got here, but it doesn’t explain how you and I ended up lying naked in my bed.”
He looked over to her.
“Do you really want to know?”
“I guess not. Just tell me, is there anything I need to be embarrassed about?”
“I will tell you that once you had got undressed, you scrambled under the covers next to me, hugged the pillow and fell fast asleep. I’m not sure if you need to be embarrassed about that”
“What did you do?”
“I lay awake for a bit watching you sleep then went to sleep myself.”
They lay on their backs for some time in companionable silence gazing at the ceiling immersed in their own thoughts.
“In Hong Kong they have these pontoons moored in the bay. You can swim out to them and sunbathe. I have this fantasy of swimming out during a typhoon and lashing myself to the pontoon as the wind and rain beat around me”. She continued to stare at the ceiling as she said this, almost as if she were imagining the scene. “Of course I’ll never do it, but that’s the way with fantasies isn’t it, you never achieve them; if you did they wouldn’t be fantasies any more”.
“What makes you think you can’t achieve your fantasies?” The manboy (Oh God what was his name?) leaned forward slightly as he spoke. “After all what’s stopping you?”
“Oh you know, nothing much, my job, my rent, my other debts. You wait, it’ll come to you soon enough and you’ll look back on this moment and remember”
The manboy rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling.
“I was planning to take a bit of time before I got a job and wander around the Med in my camper van. Would you like to come?”
“How long’s a bit of time? I have some holiday due, but I can only take 2 weeks at a time” she said
“No, no I mean take as long as it takes, a year, maybe more, maybe less”
“And my job, rent, debts? Who takes care of those?”
“Dunno” he said “If you didn’t live here maybe you wouldn’t need a job.”
(Bloody hell was I ever this simplistic when I was his age)
“So how would I eat? Where would I sleep? How would we get about?
“I’d look after you”
He was still lying naked on the bed and staring at the ceiling. (He’s very beautiful, lean, not over muscled, but fit. Long legs nice face, soft and gentle voice). He turned over onto his side again and reached out for her as she lay next to him. He stroked her hair gently and planted a kiss on her forehead.
“Hey you, just because we’re lying here in bed naked doesn’t mean you can take advantage of me you know” she smiled.
“The thought never crossed my mind” he said “I’m serious about the offer though. I would like the company and there’s room enough for two in the van”
She wasn’t sure if she should be offended by the lack of romance in the offer.
“It’s nice of you to invite me but I really don’t think I can” (Why not? Think about it. Why not?)
“OK. I just thought....you know...it might be nice just to travel together”
“You have absolutely no idea what I would have to give up to do that”
She turned away from him
“Do you have no responsibilities? No don’t answer that. You obviously don’t. I have a responsible job in a position that I have worked hard to achieve and I am firmly on the ladder to success. This job was exactly what I had planned in my 5 year plan and I have no intention of giving it up just on a whim”
The manboy just lay there leaning on his elbow while she delivered this tirade, the few inches between them now a gulf.
(Why am I so mad at him? I know why I’m mad at him. It’s because in its senselessness, going away with him makes so much sense. I’m being ridiculous. Or maybe I’m mad because he just wants me for company.)
As if in answer to her thoughts he said
“So those were your colleagues from your job that you were drinking with last night”
She looked over her shoulder at him
“Yes. Why?”
“Just...well...they seemed a bit dull”
“It’s a firm of accountants! What did you expect, jugglers and an impromptu high wire act?”
He flinched a bit at this rebuke, but stretched out his hand and touched her hair.
“Do you enjoy it there?”
“What’s not to enjoy? I’m senior secretary to the senior partners. I make appointments for them with clients, book flights and hotels for their foreign business trips, type letters to some of the captains of industry. I live my exciting life vicariously through them”. This last was said ironically as if with a sudden realisation of what she had outlined.
He said nothing. She turned back to face him and lay on his outstretched arm.
“I can’t leave all this behind”she explained “It’s taken me a long time to reach this position and I’m earning good money and have a good life. I go out when I want and where I want, I run my own car and have this nice little flat in the middle of Stoke Newington (OMG why is Stoke Newington so important). It would take years to get it back. I can see places when I take my holidays. I get an extra day’s holiday every year I stay at the company.....” She let the words trail away, realising that she was justifying this life to herself not to him.
The manboy rolled over onto his back, reached out for her and pulled her to him. She felt like crying but snuggled her head into the warm hollow between his shoulder and his neck.
They lay this way for some time before he spoke.
“If you don’t like working there, then what’s the point of it all? It takes up most of your time and you try to make the most of what little time is left. I’m just suggesting that you might leave it for a while and enjoy yourself a little more.”
"But I do like working there”. (No I don’t) she protested
“No you don’t”.
It was a flat statement from him, and she knew that any further protestations would be pointless.
“But that doesn’t mean I can just leave and go galavanting around wherever with you.”
"I think you should consider it a little more. We wouldn’t have to leave immediately. You’d have time to get your things in order.”
She found herself wondering if it was really possible. Could she really just hand in her notice for the job and the flat and disappear? Maybe she could after all.
“I’ll think about it”
“OK let’s make a decision by next Friday”
“OK” she said feeling sleepy in the comfort of his arms around her.
“But right now” he said “What is your name?”
"But I do like working there”. (No I don’t) she protested
“No you don’t”.
It was a flat statement from him, and she knew that any further protestations would be pointless.
“But that doesn’t mean I can just leave and go galavanting around wherever with you.”
"I think you should consider it a little more. We wouldn’t have to leave immediately. You’d have time to get your things in order.”
She found herself wondering if it was really possible. Could she really just hand in her notice for the job and the flat and disappear? Maybe she could after all.
“I’ll think about it”
“OK let’s make a decision by next Friday”
“OK” she said feeling sleepy in the comfort of his arms around her.
“But right now” he said “What is your name?”
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